Merry Christmas!

We went and bought a plastic tree.
We put on lights as you can see.
We’re sure some purist will abhore it,
But we found that we had room to store it.
We really think it looks quite nice,
And we will use it more than twice.
Around the base it’s never wet,
And it has not dropped a needle yet.

Whale Tail Tale (A Play on Words)

The scene: A reporter and an Eskimo are standing at the top of a cliff, below which there is a dead whale on the small beach.

Act One
Reporter: That is a very large fish down there.
Eskimo: Whale
Reporter: Why so large?
Eskimo: Male whale
Reporter: It looks kind of light in color
Eskimo: Pale male whale
Reporter: Are you going to do something with it?
Eskimo: Sale
Reporter: You are going to sell the whole thing?
Eskimo: Tail. Pale male whale tail sale
Reporter: How will people know about the sale?
Eskimo: Mail
Reporter: Can people come by boat?
Eskimo: Sail
Reporter: What if the boat leaks?
Eskimo: Bail pail
Reporter: How will they get down this cliff if they come by land?
Eskimo: Shale trail
Reporter: Won’t they fall off the trail?
Eskimo: Rail
Reporter: How do you build the rail?
Eskimo: Nail
Reporter: It’s still looking a little weak
Eskimo: Shale trail rail nail frail
Reporter: Are you going to have refreshments?
Eskimo: Ale
Reorter: Food?
Eskimo: Snail, quail

Act Two
One week later
Reporter:
How did the sale go?
Eskimo: Well. Gale. Hail. Ale stale. Shale trail rail nail fail. Sail fail. Bail pail fail. Pale male whale tail sale fail.

Hard Climb

I said, “I’ll climb up yonder hill.
To reach the top would a thrill.”
I was thirsty, but there was no fountain
And the hill quite soon became a mountain.

Football Season

We live right near the stadium.
We sit and watch the fans all come.
There are cars all up and down our street,
Parked so close their bumpers meet.
But to the game we never go.
What’s going on? We always know.
We simply listen to the crowd,
Sometimes quiet, sometimes loud.
If quiet it is quite depressing.
If loud, we know our team’s progressing.
A rousing cheer abruptly stopped
Tells us that a pass was dropped.
After many years we’ve showed
It’s possible to read the code.
Five minutes left and cars are leaving.
Now that can be a bit deceiving--
Either we’re so far ahead
Or any chance to win is dead.
To check the score is not high tech:
We can see the scoreboard from our deck.

Good poems, now bad lines

 Today Robert was featured in the Deseret News' annual mock Bulwer-Lytton contest with the "Happiest Dilemma Involving the Village People" line:

"The question in the village was not so much who would marry merry Mary as who would merry Mary marry?"

You can read the other winners here.

Leaves from Memory

In the fall when it gets cold
Our oak leaves turn from green to gold.
And when the air is full of wind
One by one they come unpinned.
As in the air they dance and flutter
Some come down and clog our gutter,
And where have all the others gone?
They’ve accumulated on my lawn.
When I was a boy we’d rake a pile,
And kids would play there for a while,
Then some adult would take a turn
To light a match and watch them burn.
I never asked about the reason.
It was the incense of the season.
If such a thing today were done
The neighbors would all call nine-one-one,
And one or two might shed a tear
Because I’ve ruined their atmosphere.
But if there is a truth to tell,
I really miss that pungent smell.

Long-term Care Insurance

I went to the doctor in early September.
Some paperwork came in late November
Confirming the service and saying don’t pay
‘Till we’ve billed your insurance in April or May.

Searching...

Through the swamp of words I slog.
To find an item for my blog.

Air Head

It’s 5 p.m. and time for news
Where the commentator gives his views.
You think he knows some world affair.
He’s on the screen, so you sit and stare.
You may think he is well equipped,
But he’s really only reading script.

Political Statement

The house has gathered for debate.
They’ll be there until very late.
And what will be the result of such?
You may rest assured,
Nothing much.

Hairried Husband

I thought I’d grow a mustache and beard
My wife said, “That is really weird.
To let your whiskers grow long there.
I really hate the taste of hair.
And though I well may seem remiss
You’ll never get a goodnight kiss.”

Computer Literacy

My grandkids won’t let me forget
I’m not yet on the Internet.
By phone I can communicate,
But they say that is out of date.
You have to dial.
You have to wait.
They are all on Facebook twice a day
And say they keep in touch that way.
(To that I only say Hooray!)

Political Statement

In politics where am I at?
I think I am Republicrat.

Good advice for Sunday..or any day

If you want to know if the gospel’s true,
The scriptures tell you what to do.
But prayer without a real intent
Is a waste of any time you spent.

Talking Head

I watched a talk show on TV
To see if he agreed with me.
At first he was a little dense,
But I must say in his defense
For those of us who are on the fence
His recent words have made some sense.

Remotely Possible

In our kitchen there’s a new TV.
In our living room there’s one to see.
Our playroom is where one is able
To see 300 channels on cable.
Each bedroom has a wide-screen set.
No TV’s in each bathroom yet,
But please do not express your sorrow
They’re here to be installed tomorrow.
If there’s nothing on but junk and sleaze,
They all take tapes and DVDs.
So just in case you’re taking notes,
We now have thirty-two remotes.

Our Dollars at Work

You see the senate’s in session today.
Well, they must do something to earn their pay.
If they debate another hour,
I’m sure they’ll cut my buying power.
Debates, emails, and lots of faxes:
It’s a lot of work to raise my taxes.

Gideon (Judges Chapter 6)

When Gideon awoke as night was through,

He saw the Lord knew what to dew.

Jenny's Boyfriend

She’s five foot two, her name is Jenny.
She’s cuter than a brand-new penny.
Her boyfriend’s six foot three in height
And he is very, very bright.
His major is psychology,
But his homework’s Jenny-ology.


(This is a selection from the book "Robert's Rhymes." Check it out at Blurb!)

Robert's Rhymes

If the rules of rhyme are here offended
You may be sure it was intended,
So please do not take some offense
If two lines do not match in tense,
Or if a line seems manufactured
From grammar that is badly fractured.
Great poetry these rhymes are not.
A gentle smile is all that’s sought.