Deep-fried

There’s a fast food in our neighborhood.
We eat there ‘cause the food is good.
If there is something fried you seek,
It’s fry day seven days a week.

VOTE

There’s a day you should remember
Coming early in November.
Usually it’s Monday, Tuesday.
That week it is Monday, Choose-day.

All Hallow’s Eve

For November she won’t wait
To vote for her favorite candy date.

Trade-in

Our Volkswagon Rabbit was very old
My wife said, “Dear, it’s time we sold.”
I traded it in at a nearby dealer
And bought a sporty new four-wheeler.
Then driving home I’d not gone far
When I had trouble with the car.
The left front wheel was not quite round.
The engine made a clanking sound.
The tires were going thunk thunk thunk.
I found some junk left in the trunk.
Then I realized that through force of habit
I was driving home in our old Rabbit.

Bad News

My dreams at night are really bad
I’m trapped—no rescue to be had.
When I read the paper and watch TV
Their origin is plain to see.

False Impression

Lipstick, powder, rouge, mascara,
Behind it all you’ll find Clara.
She says it helps her keep her youth,
But a look will show you that’s not the truth.

Geologic Time

To find a paper on my desk
Is seemingly an endless quest
Requiring effort quite heroic.
I think it’s in the Mesozoic.

Difficulties Arising

On Sundays our church starts at nine.
Most of the members think that’s fine.
But I have difficulty when
My body doesn’t start ‘til ten.

Inevitable?

In July I had two summer eyes,
So it really was not a big surprise
In December I had two winter eyes.

Text Message

Now grade school kids have learned to text,
I wonder what is coming next.
They’ve fractured English, dumbed it down.
They don’t know adjective from noun.
I don’t know what will come 2b.
We all will have to wait 2c.

Final Solution

My kids are grown and married-- gone.
There’s no one left to mow my lawn.
I thought I’d hire a neighbor kid,
Bud he’s waiting for a higher bid.
I have a mower with lots of power.
The job just takes a quarter hour.
I’m generous, but there is a limit.
I refuse to pay a buck a minute.
But then enough of all this talk.
I’ll kill the grass and spread out rock.

About Rain

We had a thunderstorm today
It rained three minutes then went away.
Fifteen minutes would be better;
Our lawn and garden would be wetter.
The fact is we could use a shower
That lasted for a half an hour,
But more than that might cause a flood
And leave us up to our knees in mud.

Of Course

In golf I shot a sixty-seven.
On the second hole, I added eleven.
The third hole took just twenty-three,
And then it got too dark to see.
When I came back next day to play
They said they’d love to have me stay
And buy some snacks in their café.
Then they said without remorse,
“You’re totally banned from our golf course.”

Surprised

I put out seed for birds to feed.
I thought there was a pressing need
Because there’s been a nasty drought,
But I found the birds had all gone south.

English 101

To paint a picture using words,
Take several adjectives and verbs,
A noun or two, and a preposition,
And arrange them in correct position.

Soup

He went to Cairo with his group
And ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
Not the best choice he could pick
Now he’s sick in Arabic.

Eating Pringles won’t cure shingles.

I said, “I have a rash that tingles.”
My doctor said, “Well, you have shingles.”
Then blisters grew, and broke, and dried,
And left a pain along my side.
The virus is on every nerve
Along my diaphramic curve.
They say the pain will go away,
But I’m convinced
It’s here to stay.

The Tale of Sir Vay Lance

Sir Vay Lance was King Arthur’s knight.
He fought for truth. He fought for right.
To find him was never left to chance.
His horse was under Sir Vay Lance

Incurable

Though many doctors may have tried,


There’s still no pill for excessive pride.

Foresight

There are things I should anticipate,
But I never think until too late.

Happy New Year?

To solve a problem
I have found a New Year’s resolution
Is not a very good solution.